RIP

this is a tribute post.  it's taken me a few days to write this, because we are all so wrecked.  last week, we were camping when i got a phone call from my mom.  she said she had been over to our house to check on our old dog, zip.  he wasn't doing well, and she was afraid it was 'time'.  i told her that it has probably been time for about three months now, but i just couldn't face taking that noble old boy in to meet his maker.   i broke the news to the boys--i literally could not speak for a minute because i was crying so hard.  they both immediately said that they wanted to go home and see him one more time.  i said, 'let's go' and we jumped in the car.  not much was said on the way home (about 45 min.) and we all trudged up the stairs to what we knew was going to be awful.  zip was outside, and he was sooo happy to see us.  he walked really fast across the yard, and the boys said, 'see, he is okay!  he's going to make it!'  but then he started breathing really hard, and fell down.  see, apparently labs have two windpipes, and they open and close as they swallow and breathe.  as they get older, the windpipes stop opening all the way.  there is surgery but it doesn't always work, and if it does, it's only for a short time, then they die of pneumonia.  he had been having breathing trouble for over a year, so we just tried not to get him excited because that's when it happened.  i told the boys that they would have to say what they wanted to say to him right now...that there was no hope for him to get better.  it was so hard for me.  i told them that we would take turns and each have our own time with him to say goodbye.  i had tyler go first, since zip was his third birthday present, and really, his dog.  alex and i went out back, and when i peeked at tyler, he was talking to zip and feeding him a piece of bread.  it just tore me up.  here was my boy, saying goodbye to his dog.  heartbreaking.  alex went next.  when it was my turn, i sat and hugged this great, brown dog.  this wonderful dog who had always been faithful.  who broke down the screen door to knock tyler out of the way when he raked a bees nest in the ground and bees swarmed him.  who always tolerated my kids and my daycare kids climbing all over him, riding him, and pulling his ears.  who never snapped at anyone, or growled.  who was a great footrest for me and kept my feet warm at night while i watched tv.  who put up with the addition of another dog into the family without blinking an eye.  who loved peanut butter, cheese, and people food in general.  who escaped frequently but always came back.  who loved to lay in front of the heat register when the furnace came on.  who had great golden eyes and the softest ears in the world.  who, as a big goofy puppy on tyler's birthday, fell into the hottub because he wasn't watching where he was going.  who, even as an old man who could hardly walk, would roll over onto his back when we walked by.  i loved this dog so, so much.  how could i say goodbye to him?  i told him how good he was, always.  how much we all loved him.  i petted him and sat with him for awhile.  he was really having trouble breathing, but he still looked at me with love.   i took his name tag off of his collar, and we all fed him a piece of cheese.  we had each said goodbye in our own way.  my mom and stepdad were kind enough to take him to the emergency vet for us.  the vet said what a beautiful boy he was, and how strong and handsome he was.  she petted him and gave him some valium.  my mom and stepdad held him and petted him as he had his shot, and he quietly slipped off to heaven.  it was peaceful.  it tears me up, even though i know we did him a favor in helping him to end his great life.  i can't stop thinking about him every time i turn around.  i think he will be waiting to lick the dishes in the dishwasher, or try to get out of the gate.
  i miss him so, so much.  i don't know how this is going to get better, but i know it will.  rest in peace, zippity do dog...we will all have a hole in our hearts for a long time.  good boy, zippy.

Comments

[Aunt Becky]

I'm just so sorry.

[baseballmom]

thank you bex. it's been rough

[Jane Ivey]

I lost my dog June 2. He was 16 and would have turned 17 in August. He was a cocker spaniel named "Roscoe". he died in our home in his sleep, but was definately like your dog, very old and tired. I'm still not over him. sorry for your loss, I know how you feel.